FHM Bar-Room Jokes

Let's be honest here, most joke books are pieces of crap. Generally, when I come across a joke book in a bookstore, it's full of lame watered-down jokes that typically get trundled out month after month by your most annoying uncle. Even the so-called 'Adult' joke books or the 'Politically Incorrect' joke books are sanitised to the point of sanitising all the fun out of them.

And that's why I cheered when I stumbled across the FHM Biggest Book of Bar-Room Jokes... as you might imagine, it's a compilation of jokes from FHM. Now FHM is, admittedly, a fairly blokey magazine and may not be to everyone's taste - but I found this compilation to be very funny indeed and a breath of fresh air when it comes to joke books. Mainly because it happened to actually be funny. Sure, I'd heard a few already, but they were good ones so it's alright.

Here's two examples, lovingly typed out by yours truly...

After hours of drinking heavily, Bob is sitting in a bar when, through his bloodshot eyes, he notices a figure sitting next to him. Feeling very jovial, the bloke turns to the blurry figure and says: 'Do you want to hear a blonde joke?'
The figure next to him snorts. 'Listen, mate,' comes a female voice, 'I weigh 175 lbs and am British Women's kick-boxing champion. I am also blonde. My blonde friend next to me weighs 190 lb and is the Women's European arm-wrestling champion. Finally, my other friend at the end of the bar weighs 235 lb and is the Women's World power-lifting champion. She, too, is a natural blonde. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?'
The guy pondered this for a while.
'Hmmmm,' he replied finally. 'Not if I have to explain it three times'.

With his elderly wife, Bill the pensioner goes to the doctor for his annual physical. After testing him with the stethoscope, the physician turns to him. 'Well, Bill,' he says. 'You seem fine but I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.'
Hard of hearing, Bill turns to his wife. 'What did he say?' he yells.
His wife bellows back, "He said he needs your underwear!'

Anyways, it's around about $10 if you should find it so it's pretty cheap for 300 odd pages of pub-quality jokes. A handy book to have!