Don't Tell Her It's Me

Sometimes I get these strange desires where I'll yearn to watch something that I know is going to be quite appalling. Having recently watched Steve Gutenberg's decent comeback work in the TV shows Veronica Mars and Party Down, my interest in his film Don't Tell Her It's Me was piqued. For a brief segment of the late 80s and early 90s Steve Gutenberg was one of the biggest stars on the planet but, unlike contemporary comedy superstars like Steve Martin or Eddie Murphy, you'll find that today's post-80s generation has no idea whatsoever of who Gutenberg is. Whilst Police Academy, Short Circuit and Three Men and a Baby were big hits of their time they've dated too quickly to gain any kind of true classic status, leaving Gutenberg out in the cold. Don't Tell Her It's Me is a romantic-comedy and the last proper vehicle for Gutenberg's somewhat light talents. Unbeknownst to American fans, it's achieved some small notoreity in the antipodes due to the film's mangled interpretation of the culture of New Zealanders (helped in part by Australian-New Zealander comedian Tony Martin, who hilariously examined the forgotten film on his radio show a few years back).

Gus (Gutenberg) is a shy comic book artist recovering from a near-fatal bout of Hodgkin's Disease. His meddling romance-novelist sister Lizzie (Shelley Long) wants him to start dating again, thinking it will help his self-esteem. When a blind date with journalist Emily (Jamie Gertz) ends in a horrifically awkward fashion, Lizzie takes it upon herself to give Gus a magical make-over that sees him transform from a bald, pudgy albino into a Fabio-like lothario named Lobo Marunga. Lobo rides a harley and comes from mystical New Zealand. Emily is unable to resist his rugged charms.

Everything about this film screams cliched piss-poor 80s filmmaking. The opening credits feature a nauseating cartoon sequence set to a crappy forgettable pop theme, Shelley Long is embarrassingly kooky, and the ending is that typical romance trope where someone races against time to find their true love before it's too late to tell them I LOVE YOU, DON'T GO! Despite being trashy and almost unbearably stupid, there's still some guilty pleasure to be had in a film where Steve Gutenberg makes the most atrocious attempt at a New Zealand accent ever. Every line he speaks as Lobo is unintentionally hilarious, and the script assumes time and time again that Australia and New Zealand are pretty much the same place (a land of drizabones and didgeridoo-playing Maoris). His weight-shedding, hair-growing transformation also stretches credibility beyond it's reasonable limits. A possible entry into the so-bad-it's-good category for any Aussie or Kiwi viewers.

HIGHLIGHT: The first half of the film where Gutenberg is fat and with no hair has him looking scarily like Matt Lucas from Little Britain.

DIRECTOR: Malcolm Mowbray
WRITER/SOURCE: Script by Sarah Bird, based on her novel.
KEY ACTORS: Steve Gutenberg, Shelley Long, Jamie Gertz, Kyle MacLachlan, Ron Orbach

RELATED TEXTS:
- The novel The Boyfriend School by Sarah Bird. The film is sometimes also known by this title instead of Don't Tell Her It's Me.
- Romantic comedies where a protagonist has to hide something are almost a dime a dozen... some recent examples include The Ugly Truth, Hitch and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The tradition dates back to Shakespearean comedies like Twelth Night.